No Regrets…

They say life is full of regrets. The likes of Pinterest is swarming with every manner of quotes touching on the subject: deep and insightful, inspirational, and of course there are lots of funny ones. And it was while scrolling Pinterest during a bout of can’t-fall-asleep the other night that I got to thinking. What are the things that I regret?

I’m happy to say that it’s a very short list.

The first thing that came to mind was regret at not taking the opportunity when I had it to get a better education. I was accepted into a nursing degree but never pursued it. And while I don’t regret what I experienced instead {marriage, travel, babies}, it is the one and only thing I really push at my children: the idea that higher education can take them so much further. {Plus I still think I would have been an awesome midwife 😉 }.

Kind-of-a-regret-but-not-really is not having remained in Croatia back in 1994 when we were presented with the opportunity to live there indefinitely. We were already renting an apartment and my Husband received a job offer, but with me being pregnant with our first and being so young, I made the call that I really needed to be back in Australia for the birth. Looking back the birth couldn’t have been any worse anywhere else, and it’s something we have both always wondered about.

When it comes to relationships I got lucky in the love department right off the bat so there are no regrets there, but it’s other relationships that have proved tricky. I don’t regret the friendships that I had but chose to leave in the past. They were great friendships for a time and there was a lot of laughter. Even though we are no longer in touch there are still no regrets at what was a lot of fun. There is one cousin who was like a big sister, and I am sorry that I burned my bridges so hastily.

More than anything I regret all the years spent believing that DNA and a shared history meant that someone would love and accept you simply for being who you are. I also regret the time wasted beating myself up about it when I now know that I never stood a chance.

I also really wish that my Husband and I had tried harder to sort out visa’s when we wanted to see Nirvana play what ended up being one of their very last shows. We were in Croatia when they played in Slovenia in early ’94, and we had one exit visa left: to get back to Sydney. We made a few inquiries, met a lot of resistance, and gave up. From Slovenia they flew to Rome, where Kurt overdosed before returning to the U.S. And the rest is history…

There are those things that you thought you would regret, but don’t. I used to swear up and down that small age gaps were the best, and always planned to have all my children close together. I believed that the large gaps between myself and my own siblings were not a good thing, and coupled with me leaving home young, meant that we missed out on something. But then I went and had my last child ten years after the one before, when the two oldest were 13 and 14. And… it’s the best thing we ever did.

But the fact is that if I were to find myself on my death-bed tomorrow, there is nothing that I would regret. There are always instances and situations that we wish we had handled differently, there will always be people we will wish we had either embraced more or walked away from sooner. But that’s just life, and I guess what I have learned from writing this is that I don’t really believe in regrets. I have always followed my heart and, so far at least, it hasn’t steered me wrong. It’s the reason I married my first {and only} boyfriend, and started a family while barely out of my teens. It’s influenced the way we have lived our life, and while I may not please everyone all of the time, it’s still the only way I choose to live. Instead of regret I have what I guess are those moments of wondering where that other path may have led, but I’d say that’s just normal curiosity.

So. Regrets? None.

Til next time,

Ana.

  1. It’s an interesting idea, thinking about your regrets.

    My biggest regret is not studying harder in year 12. I was so damn full of my own self-importance back then. Thought I could fly through by the seat of my pants and not try at all. I thought I was so clever. It turned out to be the dumbest thing I ever did.

    I didn’t do badly, some would say, but I know what I could have achieved if I had put in the effort and I was nowhere near that. Then perhaps I could have had a career that paid me a decent wage and might have been worth going back to work for.

    I miss having a career and I regret that the one I chose pays so little that I can’t afford the childcare it would take to go back.

    But other than that, I have no major regrets.

    Reply

    1. I was the same in year twelve, totally half assed. And like you say, I did okay but I could have done so much better. I just remember being daunted by the idea of having to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wish I had been told, just work hard for two short years then the options are limitless. No-one pushed me at all, and that’s why I want my kids to know its short term sacrifice and lifelong gain.

      It’s so nice to hear that other people also have no real regrets.

      xxx

      Reply

  2. Can’t say I regret too much in my life either. I agree that regret if you may feel it straight away soon fades to a feeling of wonder. All the right and wrong decisions we made at certain times definitely makes and shapes who we are now. Nice post Ana, I like it. Good to know when people have got their life right, we hear so much of the reverse. Although I didn’t need to read it, I see it in you all the time. xxx N BTW I cannot say that your last and final words relate to me!!!

    Reply

    1. Thanks Niss. It is true, we hear far more about negative than positive. And I can definitely thank you for introducing me to the beautiful thing that is champagne! xxx

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  3. Much food for thought here. I like the idea of no regrets and am getting more comfortable with it as I age but there are a few things(more like 500) that still weigh on me from time to time. Most situations I regret are really regarding my behavior and how it hurt somebody else…I’ve only got one or two friendships I regret letting go of and one of them I was the guilty party for sure. As and as far as my most recent toxic friendship “break up” it was one of the best things I EVER did. So in a way I regret not ending more relationships that were unhealthy for me sooner but like you said it’s life.
    Otherwise I regret how I let people treat me especially boys/men/boyfriends. Live and learn.

    I would probably feel the same about the Nirvana opportunity but it does sound like you tried before understandably giving up. How strange the news of Kurt’s death must have been when you’d so recently been trying to see the band. I have a dozen or so show regrets.
    Great post.

    Reply

    1. It always comes back to relationships. I think we all regret the times where we could have behaved better, and I dare say that we become more aware of this as we get older. I was happy to think that I have no regrets, but that’s not to say that I don’t wish I had handled certain things differently, namely ending toxic ties.

      As for show regrets, too many to mention, lol. But that was a big one. And not knowing who the fuck Le Tigre were when they toured here in 2005 or 2006.

      Thanks for reading. xxx

      Reply

      1. I remember when Nirvana came to Buffalo because it was a reallllllly big deal. I was in 5th grade and my Mom said “NO!”. She also said “NO!” to my brother & I seeing Radiohead in Toronto on Easter a few years later and we brought it up for years after!

        I try not to waste my time nowadays with people I sense are not the best to be around but it took me forever to figure out how to do that. Most of my friends I’ve had for 10-15-20 years and I feel great about that. 🙂

        You have the best blog. I always feel like I’m reading magazine feature that’s thoughtful, amusing, and education all at once.

        Reply

      2. Wait. Nirvana was 6th grade and Smashing Pumpkins-that was 5th grade. Because Kurt passed away about six months later. I wished I was older at the time…I missed so much stuff.

        Reply

        1. Omg, how old are you, because you come across very mature. And as for the other, you’re too kind. Thanks. X.

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          1. I’m 31, is that weird?

            Reply

            1. Not weird. You’ve got some serious chops.

            2. But I’m a real adult! I’m 31!:)

            3. and by chops I mean cred. 🙂

  4. I regret not travelling the world but I decided to marry the man of my dreams and settle down and have babies, and I hope we can travel once kids have left home, or maybe old enough to care for themselves as they’ll probably NEVER leave home. And I can in all honesty say I won’t get to the end of my life and say I wish I had drunk more – I give it a good nudge as it is!!

    Reply

    1. You will travel, and I reckon it will be worth the wait. I got into the bubbles late in the game but I’m making up for it! Xxx

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  5. I agree that regret is really a bad word for it, if it’s not something you did that ended up destroying a major facet of your life. There are a ton of things Jake and I could have done differently, that maybe seemed like a better idea at one point or another – but none of them would have brought us to where we are with Doodle and out family, and for that I regret nothing. The what-could-have-been’s are always fun to consider, but even with the problems that we have to sort through regularly based on various choices we’ve made, I can’t honestly believe that there were choices that I could have made that would have made me as happy as I am today. 🙂

    Reply

    1. I think you hit the nail on the head. If we’re happy with where we are now then we can’t really regret what led us here. I love the fact that everyone’s comments have been really positive, no regrets. xxx

      Reply

  6. I like the optimistic approach you have towards life. There surely are a lot of turns in life which leave a regretful hue in past, no one is immune to that. But i firmly and very firmly believe whatever happens, happens for a reason and thinking too deep into “what if?” only drowns us deeper in abyss. What cant be undone should be addressed as minimally as one can.

    Reply

    1. I love your last sentence, what can’t be undone. So true, and as long as we can remember that, learn from it and move forward then life is good. Thanks for reading.

      Reply

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