All the thoughts…

Blogging is such a strange beast, no?

It can at times be like your best friend, who listens with undivided attention and seems to find you wildly witty and entertaining, while at other, sadder, times, it can be like talking to yourself and not even you are paying any attention.

Blogging has been great both for, and to, me. I’ve made some great friends and discovered a whole community of like minded people. It’s been a huge creative outlet for someone who had long thought that creativity was for other, cooler, people, and it has allowed me to rediscover the love of writing I had long forgotten. And yes I will call it writing, simply for the therapeutic value it gives me. Words are beautiful, whether I’m reading them or writing them, I love the power they have to touch, inspire, teach, and transform.

But finding inspiration isn’t always easy.

There are some topics I feel I’ve done to death, and despite reliving the birth details of all of my kids every year on their birthdays I won’t be discussing their actual births again, or any of my pregnancies. I used to wonder if I would ever stop being fascinated with both of those subjects as they consumed so much of my life for so many years, but along with teething and toilet training, they are now definitely a {very fond} part of the past.

I have learned that, shockingly, some people don’t want you to write posts about them. So no lovey dovey posts for my husband no matter how hot he is, and definitely no blog-post-as-vent when your family are being dicks. The pride that was wounded when I blogged about my mum and sister ultimately led to the end of those relationships, and despite knowing that there was a lot more to it than one post and my refusal to wear 100% of the blame, some things should be said face to face or not said at all.

B  U  T  …  that probably doesn’t count after a few drinks if I’m being perfectly honest.

There are SO MANY of those moments in my life where I’ll be watching or reading something or talking to someone, and that little part of my brain will try to grab hold of that one thought or idea that is at that very moment niggling away and screaming out to be the subject of a post. Many times it’s gone before I can properly secure it and sometimes when I sit down to write there’s not actually all that much to say. Some ideas are a paragraph or two at best, while some you can never really do justice to because the subject matter is just so big and complex.

Like when I watched the Netflix doco about Amanda Knox this past weekend, and got so fucking pissed off and worked up at the fact that her being a young attractive white woman was the sole reason she was the focus of so much fucked up, sexist, and downright misogynistic media attention. Taking the MySpace handle of a 22 year old woman and emblazoning “Foxy Knoxy” all over front pages time and time again is fucked beyond belief, while any presumption of innocence was apparently deemed unnecessary simply because she had had a few previous sexual partners. The word sex and the implications that seemed to be attached to her sex life boggle any sane mind: whore, crazy, ruthless, murderer, liar.

Ultimately it’s just too big, and too feminist a topic that I don’t feel I can do justice to. {I tackled a big post on feminism on my last blog, which you can still find HERE, but even after lots of time spent on it I’m still not satisfied}. But please, watch the Knox doco for yourself and let me know what you think. The comments made by reporters as they questioned her father outside their home are positively sickening, none of which would have been made had she been a young male.

One huge lightbulb of inspiration, which has admittedly been done to death by numerous others including myself on previous blogs, is the idea of letters. But what struck me super excited is the idea of doing more than just the customary letter to my younger self. Right now the possibilities seem endless as letters to former employers, friends new and old, celeb crushes, musicians, and inanimate objects swirl around my head. Do I make it a whole series, dedicate a page to it, will I run out of ideas or will the letters flow?

Only one way to find out, so stay tuned.

And speaking of words I’ve taken advantage of this long weekend to catch up on some reading, starting with Bruce Springsteens newly released autobiography, even though I’ve somehow done the unthinkable and have three novels also on the go at the same time. I hate when that happens. And I also want to read the Amanda Knox autobiography at some stage.

Til next time,

A.

  1. OMG I love the idea of writing a letter to former employer/fave musician, friend etc! That would make for a fabulous series 🙂 xo

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    1. Of course it’s the craziest time all year for me right now, but the ideas are bubbling away!

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  2. I am completely into your new idea of writing letters to various people and that idea falls in line with the therapeutic benefit of writing that you mentioned earlier in your post. Just recently I saw a post online written by a former counselor whose advice to someone trying to get past a shitty person and shitty friendship that she was obsessing over was to write a letter to that friend to get it all out there even though she didn’t actually have to give the letter to the person, of course. I think doing things like that told friends to former employers to whoever to people you’ve never met before is such a fantastic idea. I sincerely can’t wait to see what you do with that and I think I might even do some of my own although I’m not sure that I would publish them have to think about that! 😆

    The Amanda Knox documentary!!!! I read Amanda’s memoir because I was interested and had followed her case and I was absolutely stunned at the sexism and corruption surrounding her court trial and Meridith’s murder case. I gained a whole new perspective and view of her after reading that book because of how much bullshit had been reported, straight up lies and completely twisted details. If I remember correctly from her book Foxy Knoxy was a childhood nickname that she got from the way she played soccer and the nickname stuck. I felt that the documentary moved pretty quickly and it only showed a small slice of how much insanity went on but everybody has gotten the picture so just imagine what you saw on the documentary and multiply it by a thousand and that’s her book. I think you will really enjoy it but you will be continuously freaked out and offended by the way she was treated. It was astonishing but so fascinating After I read her book I read Raffaele’s because my friend Amy and I were on this weird Amanda Knox thing( we read her book together) at the time but you can always follow up her book with his too… I had to take a little break between them because I was just so upset by everything I read in her book that I wasn’t ready to dive right back into the madness.

    When the murder had just happened I remembered the headlines and the articles about Amanda doing cartwheels in the hallway of the police station and I remember thinking that that was inappropriate as it has been reported and how strange and how odd except that that actually didn’t happen at all but when you read your book you’ll find out what really went on and I just can’t get over how much is fabricated and manipulated. Another thing I remember is seeing photos published of the bathroom with blood all over it as evidence for Amanda’s involvement in the murder-they were asking how Amanda could possibly take a shower when everything was covered in blood but what was in those photos wasn’t actually blood and that’s another thing that is explained in her book, it’s just so crazy. I’m getting all worked up just thinking about it again now. That “journalist”in the documentary was a total scumbag. Especially when he tried to impart some of the blame on the readers for reporting such sensationalized garbage. I admit that I was fascinated by the murder case and I was one of those people who did get up in the morning, got my cup of tea and looked for the newest information online but that doesn’t mean that I wanted to read unethical twisted articles in liu of the truth. I don’t want exciting stories over what really happened, I was mostly just drawn to the case because I had heard that a woman was possibly murdered by her college roommate, who happened to be American, in Italy and that was enough to make me curious as to what happened to the victim not the rest of that trash that was reported. I really resent all of the miss information that was put out there. It’s so disgusting that her diary was leaked and being used as an example of what a supposed whore she was and how somehow sexual promiscuity was in line with being a murderer I mean what the hell. At the time it seemed like the evidence was authentic, not her diary from after her conviction but the other crappy evidence that had previously been reported, and it was being reported from the police and so I thought it was true and I had started to think that Amanda was guilty I can’t remember when it was that I changed my mind but I think it was when more information came out after her first conviction and before the first acquittal anyway you must must must read her book as soon as possible!!!

    I’m reading a few books at once right now too I just wish I could somehow read them all at the same time at superspeed!

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    1. It’s the letters to inanimate objects and body parts that has me most excited, lol. A few drafts have been saved. Probably be a weekly thing.

      The Amanda Knox thing, wow. I never followed it at the time so the doco was all fresh for me. That journalist had me wanting to punch the to, he was so repugnant. Unbelievable how much fiction they are allowed to print. As for her behaviour when the dock first mentioned it I thought, weird but no one knows how their actions are going to be picked apart. I really got the sense that she was unfairly convicted and to be honest I might shelve the Springsteen book to read hers, it’s been in my head for days. And I can totally understand how it would have got your interest and attention, but it’s like the paparazzi trying to blame people for buying pictures of Princess Diana as a justification. Total bullshit.

      Will read the book and come to you with comments for sure.

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      1. Yeah it was such a huge news story here it was almost impossible not to know anything about it except when it was new almost everything we were being fed with lies. And after she was convicted but it had become obvious that she was innocent or likely innocent there was still some suspicion here but mostly people were rallying around her, like that is our girl from Seattle and she needs to be sent home, so it was really interesting in the doc to see the clips of people in Italy booing and shouting in disappointment and anger over her acquittal and subsequent freedom because in America people were cheering. I just can’t believe how mixed up that story became. It’s really terrifying. Yes yes yes read it now! Bruce doesn’t mind!
        Are you interested in true crime in general? That was kind of one of the interesting themes or main themes of the documentary is the thirst for these exciting true crime stories but I have to admit that I am interested in them and I thought about it little end hopefully my interest isn’t because I’m a vulture. At this point I genuinely feel like I’m just interested in the flawed legal and judicial systems and injustice but the mystery of it is a huge pole at the same time. I am probably beating a dead horse here because I feel like everyone has mentioned these a ton but did you see the Netflix series Making a Murderer? And did you ever listen to the Serial podcast?

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        1. Yes I’m very interested in true crime, always have been. The scenes in Italy were puzzling to me, like why were they do desperate for her to be guilty? But like you said between the flawed legal system and the media it was appalling what was allowed to happen to her.

          I saw Making a murderer, very fascinating but I don’t think I finished watching it. But Al the back and forth just makes you wonder if there really is justice. And the real shame is that someone has died and they’re just forgotten.

          Serial podcast, no. I’ve yet to listen to a podcast.

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          1. Making a Murderer is getting a second season and the nephew, Brandan, that was convicted has recently had his conviction overturned. I don’t know if you got this far into it and I can’t remember what part it was but I’ll just go ahead with it anyway there were several moments that absolutely broke my heart and one of them was : Brendan asking his mom on the phone what the word inconsistent meant and she said she didn’t know either. If that doesn’t make sense to you because you’d already stopped then don’t worry about it. What’s so eye-opening in these cases is how the legal system is an absolute mess here at times and in some towns and it really makes you wonder.
            You mention how someone was killed and seems forgotten and that was actually some of the criticism by the family of the victim from the Serial podcast. My friends and I agreed that there wasn’t a huge focus on her but that’s because the podcast was about whether or not the right person was convicted rather then in memory of the victim and at the same time the whole reason for revisiting the case is to hopefully right a possible injustice, 1. Freeing an innocent man from jail and 2. Finding the true killer of this young lady. It is sad when you watch are you listen in an episode is over and you just remember that when it’s all said and done somebody still brutally lost their life. I understand why her family was upset especially if they feel that the convicted is rightfully convicted and I can’t imagine what the podcast drudges up for them and what they went through either. What happened was: a high school student was murdered and her boyfriend was convicted but there is a lot of doubt around the conviction and he has maintained his innocence ever since( which they say is unusual if the person is guilty) so it was looked into and there was a lot of messy detective work discovered and inconsistencies revealed in the case which turned into a podcast called Serial hosted by Sarah from NPR’s This American Life and it was just so addictive and interesting because they went through all the details and reached out to people who went to high school with these kids and people who worked on the case ( including a woman who may be able to provide an alibi for this guy in court which is pretty huge) and it made such a huge impact that it’s resulted in a new trial for Adnan, the man who was convicted. There was a second season of Serial but I never got into it I don’t know if I’m gonna listen to it or not because it seemed like there wasn’t enough to do a second season. But season one was incredible and I recommend it.
            Another thing about the forgotten victims: I recently watched every JonBenét Ramsey documentary I could get my hands on and I couldn’t help it but I basically cried through every single one. It’s just so sad what happened to that poor little girl.
            Lastly, to your princess Diana references and other comments I remember that as well and how people here were getting up at 4 AM to watch it on TV! I was at my grandmother’s house in New Jersey with my mom and she woke up at 3:30am to watch. I had a college professor a few years ago that was ranting about Princess Diana because he thought it was stupid that people idolizer simply because she was a princess and she was pretty and she helped people with AIDS…. He was kind of grumpy I don’t know what his problem was but I can see what he was getting at which is just that sometimes people are famous for weird reasons and they get so glamorized and it gets blown out of proportion.

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            1. That scene in Making A Murderer rings a bell, I did see a heartbreaking scene where a young man in jail didn’t even understand what was being said to him. Messy legal and justice systems are not unique to the US, and I guess in some ways there is no greater tragedy than an innocent person being convicted for something they haven’t done, so I suppose that doing whatever it takes to get a definite answer should be applauded, in whatever form it comes.

              I’ve also watched a lot of stuff recently about Jonbenet and it is just so sad. I have my theories like everyone else but we will never know, although I have to say her brothers behaviour is quite strange these days.

              As for Diana what I’ll never forget is how half my family were at my house the night her funeral was shown on TV, and my grandfather was saying how you couldn’t compare ome poor nun to a princess, he didn’t want to hear about Mother Teresa and that just sickened me to be honest. Ah the media, we could go on forever about it! It’s just completely fucked.

            2. Yep, you are remembering it, it was one of the scenes after he’d been questioned and was telling his mom over the phone that he liked his new attorney because they both have the same favorite animal, a cat, but he had been told, I think, that there were inconsistencies in his story and then he asked his mom what inconsistent and it became clear that because of his low IQ he was confused and didn’t have the critical thinking skills or the vocabulary or anything really to have been questioned the way that he was. I think that the cops botched that case and tampered with evidence but I don’t necessarily think that those two were wrongfully convicted, just that the investigation was bullshit, but I guess I won’t get into that here!
              I remember Princess Diana’s death, as I said, and the coverage, but I don’t really remember anything about Mother Teresa’s except that she had passed so that tells me there was a big gap in how those two stories were covered which seems pretty gross. I remember Princess Diana being on the cover of every magazine but I have no memory of any images of Mother Teresa on People or anything like that. It’s possible she was but I don’t remember it and that’s probably because there was 10 times the coverage for Princess Diana. On a sidenote not too long ago I read some interesting stuff about Mother Teresa that is a bit controversial because it challenges her reputation. Not really related to what we are discussing but interesting to me nevertheless. I also recently found out the truth about Gandhi which was quite a bummer. Hmmm, what other depressing topics should I bring up?

            3. Lol. There are plenty of them that’s for sure!

  3. I would like to write a letter to a former employer I had a huge breakdown and while I was there I fucked up big time and I have sorted that all out and mentally will continue to pay for a very long time. A lot of it I don’t remember but there is a part of me that is really angry with them that they failed me in a duty of care and I would really like to get that out. But I couldn’t do it on my blog. I would have to do it anonymously and through someone else … until then I will just keep it inside festering away.

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    1. Or you could just write it for yourself and mother send it or share it. Good therapy.

      My first letter was going to be to my creepy and inappropriate first employer but after J drafted it I decided he wasn’t even worth the effort.

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      1. You are right probably the process of getting it out would be all that I really need to do. I guess I am just frustrated that they basically claimed they knew nothing about that I was struggling with mental health when as an organisation that is what they are all about. And on numerous occasions I expressed that I couldn’t do it anymore and all I wanted was to die. Not once did that raise alarm bells for them (nor did any of the incredible personal tragedies during the time I worked for them) for them to call my husband (who they were friends with) or my parents (who they also knew well). It was very easy for them at the end to proclaim they knew nothing and I indicated I was fine when blind Freddy (except me, my parents and husband) could see I was anything but fine. I think I am a little angry with everyone about that. I guess that is why I am in therapy hey!!! Lol

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        1. I absolutely don’t blame you for the anger, and I think therapy is the right place to process it. It’s beyond sad to think that there seemed to be such a lack of basic human compassion and concern but the fault lies with other people and not with you, and sometimes it takes work to recognise that and be able to let it go.

          I’m a big believer in therapy btw, definitely got me head straight a couple of years ago, issues courtesy of my parents.

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          1. I have so many issues lol many of mine are courtesy of my hubby’s family I thought the world had a super amazing loving supportive family like me (my folks once sold their house to get me out of a huge financial hole early inheritance) turns out that I am in the minority and more families are completely screwed like my hubby’s than like mine which kind of breaks my heart a bit. My kids have an amazing relationship with my parents and two sets of my aunts and uncles so they don’t miss out on that grandparent thing.

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            1. Definitely lots of fucked up families out there, my situation being a mirror of yours where my own are not part of our lives and my in laws are awesome. Good people are worth hanging on to no matter who they are.

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