A letter to: MY NOSE

Hi nose,

geez I really owe you about a million apologies, don’t I?

Too big, too long, too pointy, too bumpy, awful in profile, just not a nice nose. I’m sure there were even actual tears shed at some point during my teen years. No good looking guy was ever going to be able to see past that nose, was he?

Well nose, I am sorry.

The really hot guy I liked didn’t care about my nose. {Probably because he was busy checking out my boobs instead.} Many years later he was able to tease me about you and I was able to laugh it off and put it down to that weird but loving kind of affection that long time couples sometimes have.

You still don’t look good in profile and without a lot of padding on my face {thanks to my grandmother for the cheekbones} you look even more prominent. But what I didn’t understand when I was fifteen is that this long pointy bumpy nose ties me to people who have long passed and I never knew and will tie me to generations to come. Why else would I have been so happy when I met my grandmothers sister many years ago and was lit with joy when she hugged me and stepped back and proudly said that we have the same nose?

The pride on her face. All because of our nose. We’d met like ten seconds before but hey presto, our large noses marked us as kin and I was stoked. And so was she. That marked a turning point for me.

I’ll be honest and admit that I’m still glad none of my kids inherited your kids if you know what I mean, because it’s tough enough navigating teenage years as it is without having a large nose take a dent at your confidence, and I just didn’t want them to have the same insecurities. And if pushed I probably would have done what my parents didn’t, and caved with offers of a nose job. I’m glad now that all my begging and pleading was to no avail but I don’t know if I would have been able to say no to my kids.

I guess at some point I looked around and noticed that there aren’t really that many people with perfect noses. Or there are people with perfect noses but shit personalities, and that’s really no contest is it? And there are even people who I think are awesome and beautiful who have large noses so I guess the whole full circle thing has really come all the way around.

These days if I had to choose plastic surgery it would be something like a tummy tuck or liposuction because let’s face it, pregnancy and childbirth have been far harsher on my body than you ever were sitting there minding your own business. Without you there would be no way I could have soaked up the newborn back of neck or sweaty little feet smells, no way my signature perfume would be so special, and no joy in fresh flowers and freshly cut grass.

So, nose, please accept my deepest apologies for being a bitch to you.

And I hope you’re enjoying the hit of Lush Vanillary that I’m currently obsessed with.


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