Dear voice,

we’ve been pretty inseparable haven’t we?

Unlike other body parts and features which have been under the intense spotlight of self awareness and even loathing at various times in my life, you, voice, have flown under the radar. And I would have to say that the sole reason for our happy co-existence all these years is my love of loud music.

Unlike some girls who wanted to be models {no delusions whatsoever there} or flight attendants {too lazy to even try}, I would have happily settled for being a good singer. Your lack of star power became apparent, however, as soon as I attempted my very first cassette-recorded-in-my-bedroom radio show.

And I didn’t even attempt singing.

My speaking voice when I played it back baffled me. I sound like that? WT actual F?

I then stupidly recorded myself singing and let’s just say that after one painful playback the results were recorded over before any living soul ever had to endure listening to the sound of twelve year old me warbling some random 80’s song.

I switched my hopes to other talents, made sure my music was turned way up, and contented myself with only singing with abandon while driving alone in the car. Or drunk. It wasn’t until many years later when, armed with more than a few drinks and safe in the bosom of similarly intoxicated family, I stepped up for a game of SingStar.

Suddenly, to the bewilderment of myself and my whole family, I was kicking arse.

Songs like Papa Don’t Preach had me smashing all comers, and with my microphone turned down so as to not damage the relationship with our neighbours, I went for it. And I fucking killed it. In fact I was so good at it that no-one wanted to play against me anymore. Even though, according to the sore losers, I still wasn’t a good singer, just somehow strangely good at the game.

Whatever losers.

Of course I snapped up SingStar games like they were going out of fashion {which they were}, and for a while there it became our go-to family game, especially on festive days like Christmas and New Years when there would be a few extra bodies around and many drinks had been consumed. And even though the PS2 they were played on has been superseded by newer consoles since those heady days and we’ve only played a few times since after I recently sprung for some new SingStar games for the PS4, we both know there will be many more battles to be won.

Every now and then when I’m driving along and thinking that you aren’t sounding too bad I’ll turn the music down and see how you really sound. Suffice to say that the volume goes back up after mere seconds.

Sorry voice, but you still suck.

You just never quite reached the lofty heights we were both so desperate for.

But don’t worry, we’ve sung our arses off anyway and will continue to do so.

Drunk AND sober.


  1. I’ll never forget our music teacher in primary school telling me I wasn’t good enough for the school choir – talk about being devastated! I didn’t have the courage to get up and sing in front of anyone again for the next 20+ years. Thank god for alcohol and karaoke LOL! 🙂


    1. So true! And not to be a bitch but shouldn’t choirs accept everyone? I don’t think they’re exactly being swamped lol.


      1. I know! Way to deflate a kids dreams…I was all destined to be on Young Talent Time LOL! xx


        1. So was I! Biggest jealousy of my life was when a completely non talented friend talked her parents into signing her up!


  2. “Whatever losers.”


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