I know your secret

Hey there fellow school mum.

I see you standing there by the gate, waiting for the bell with your other school mum friends.

You’re all wearing activewear, workout gear, whatever you choose to call it. You look fit and strong and athletic, and back when my youngest child started at this school three years ago I thought I had mistakenly wandered into a fitness expo instead of the school playground.

Why the fuck are all these women dressed for the gym? Surely they are not all working out? Every freaking day? Why don’t any of them seem to own any regular clothes, you know, dresses and jeans and skirts and Zeppelin t’s and stuff I wondered.

I mean, sure I’ve worked out. I even did it in Nike and Adidas gear, but since working out means you need to shower after there was no way I would be doing school pick up or drop off all sweaty and red faced from working out. You know, on those rare occasion when I actually did get my arse into gear and work out.

But call it age or call it too many dips and crackers over Christmas, January rolled around and with it a few too many extra pounds which I was naturally anxious to shift.

So I have started working out.

Proper like, involving fitness trackers and actual sweat.

So I needed new activewear because mine was old and had somehow gone walkabouts right out of my closet. I love my new workout clothes. They’re heaps better than my old stuff. More colourful and funkier and nicer to wear.

They also take five kilos off. All that spanx-like compression means that you look fitter just by putting it on.

Which you already know.

See that’s what I’ve only just figured out. I’m a dumbass I know, but it never occurred to me that you weren’t all actually wearing that gear just to work out or even just for comfort. It never occurred to me that the compression factor makes you look slimmer than almost anything else you can wear. I could swear that my biceps look stronger in one of those racerback tops than they do in any dress, even though I have jelly arms. My legs look thinner, as proven by the selfies I take before I head off on my walks some days. Wearing joggers instead of sandals or wedges seems to give me some weird fitness-y bounce that makes me feel like an athlete and not just another mum doing drop off.

To those mums wearing the loose fitting short shorts I salute you. There’s nowhere to hide in those things, and your fitness and those toned pins are no spandex trickery.

As for the rest of you in the leggings and tank tops: I’M ONTO YOU.


{And have a look at this parody video while you’re here.}


  1. Guilty, because Jeans suck and I want to feel like if I finally possibly get the urge to workout that I won’t have time to talk myself out of it.

    Liked by 1 person


  2. Ugh I don’t get it. As someone who actually sweats in my activewear I couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting in all those juices = GROSS! LOL!! xo

    Liked by 1 person


    1. I know right! For me it’s a shower right away and then something nice to wear!

      Liked by 1 person


  3. […] of control, but I refuse to live in workout clothes because that feels like cheating and now that I blogged about it everyone would know why I’m wearing […]



  4. […] of control, but I refuse to live in workout clothes because that feels like cheating and now that I blogged about it everyone would know why I’m wearing […]



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