A whole lotta wtf…

I’m so confused at the moment.

Frustrated too, but mostly confused.

And a little pissed off too.

Here’s why:

After working out FIVE DAYS A GODDAMN WEEK for five weeks and being super smart with my food choices I have managed to put on three kilos.

Current mood:

And no, it’s not fucking muscle.

I needed to shift some weight, not add more.

My clothes are all too tight and I just want to cry all day.

I’ve had some blood tests and while my thyroid meds needed a bit of adjusting and I discovered that I’m basically anaemic, there’s nothing to explain why my body seems to be hoarding fat like the end of the world is coming. An insulin resistance test came back normal.

Last week it all built up to the point where I just stopped eating. I had three meals over four days, and my head was in such a bad place. I had no hunger either, because my head couldn’t cope with the thought of more food. And while I had managed to budge a half kilo by the start of this week that’s not the road I want to go down. I love food and I love to eat and this is just sucking all the joy out of food, and joy out of my life too.

My doctor said I didn’t have to start eating red meat again, which I am relieved about. I spent endless hours reading about which food patterns and choices will help me lose weight, hell, I even checked in with my endocrinologist to see if diet could be a factor with my Hashimoto’s.

He said no.

Low carb? Vegetarian? Keto? Paleo? Mediterranean? Vegan but low carb? Gluten free? Dairy free? Veggie keto?


I’m loving the exercise and don’t plan on stopping. But I just don’t know what the hell to eat anymore.

Yes, I know I’m probably obsessing over all of this way too much.

But when I think how I’ve always been able to lose weight just through my food choices alone, this just makes no sense. Even if I was getting fitter and maintaining my weight I’d be ok, but to be gaining? To have added an inch to my waist in two days when I ate almost nothing?

I think at this stage I’ve completely fucked my metabolism and a visit to a dietician is in order. I need someone who understands all of this way better than I do who can tell me exactly what to do.

I probably also need to see a head person to help me understand how I can get so depressed over all of this.

Fat and anaemic isn’t a good combination. All I do is walk, jog, weigh myself, and cry.

I probably need to throw out those fucking scales too.

On the plus side, at least I look okay in my workout gear. Yay for compression.




  1. I’m gonna say this only once; FUCK THE SCALES! When you’re throw working out into the mix everything goes out the window! If you’re really keen to see how it all works I’d suggest a dexa body scan to get a thorough breakdown of your body composition. But above remember to #Embrace xo


    1. Yes yes yes the scales have to go. But I’m struggling with the #embrace this past week. Dietician is booked because I’m fucking miserable and I know it’s stupid so I’ll get some good advice re food. I’m pretty sure my body composition is still a decent amount of fat though, I just don’t see any progress in terms of firming up or toning. But I’m not stopping!


      1. Good girl! Embracing has its good and bad days/weeks/months, it’s definitely a work in progress. All you can do is keep going 💋


  2. You poor bugger! I feel for you because I am anaemic and there is no apparent reason for it I have had an iron infusion to no effect. I am also carrying extra weight but my thyroid is fine so I don’t have that. I was put on an additional anti-depressant mid last year and in 3 weeks I put on 10kgs with no improvement in mood so my psychiatrist apologised profusely and took me straight off it. 6mths later I still have that extra 10kgs (well I think I do because I don’t have scales in my house so I am not sure!) I gauge it by my clothes yesterday I slipped out of a pair of size 11 just jean denim shorts but the size 14 dotti denim shorts are stupid tight! I hate caring how I look but I do and i know I am bigger than I want to be right now.

    The big issue I have is the anaemia because prior to getting really sick with that I was exercising hating it and crying every time I did it (I don’t get the happy hormones that normal ppl do from exercise or sex just by the by lol tmi!) but I was starting to feel stronger and loose cms didn’t care so much about the weight if I was loosing cms. Then I got really sick with anaemia and basically I haven’t moved since mid October! So anything I might have lost I am certain is back on!!

    No answers but just lots of love and empathy.


    1. Thanks Cat. Isn’t it hard when you seem to have little control? I’m pinning a lot of hope on the dietician, hopefully someone with training in this can steer me in the right direction. I’d happily follow any eating plan she comes up with as long as I see some positive progress. And I can do it slowly, just give me something! I feel for you too, hop fully things improve this year. Sending you lots of empathy and understanding! Xxx


  3. Ok this 🙌🏼 As you know I also have been exercising 5-6 days a week and doing resistance. My number has gone UP 6 kilos!! So whilst I know that it’s good to be fit, I’m cutting way way back and just concentrating on eating just below the number MyFitnessPal gives me. It’s a pain to log all the foods, but it becomes easier. My problem is this: my muscles hold on to so much water and glycogen that the weight just went up and I didn’t like it. I’d like to wear my normal clothes again!! Hang in there lady, I know it’s tough when it’s been easy before, I’ll let you know how I get on in a couple weeks. Xo


    1. I hate that the numbers can fuck with me so much, know what I mean? You are definitely looking very fit from your Insta pics, I admire how hardcore you’ve been with the bbg, I couldn’t hack it. I’m okay with switching to different exercise but even the doctor said it was time for a dietician bc the blood tests were ok.

      I’d be happy to track just with clothes as a gauge and not weigh myself but I’m so used to weighing myself. I also started way heavier than I’ve been in ten years and I have a whole bunch of issues with being heavy that have a lot to do with my maternal relatives being obese, my worst fear is “letting myself go”.

      Thanks for the feedback, I wish none of us had any of these issues! (Keep trying to remind mys of its all first world problems and all that 😉 ). Xxx


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