I’m so confused at the moment.
Frustrated too, but mostly confused.
And a little pissed off too.
After working out FIVE DAYS A GODDAMN WEEK for five weeks and being super smart with my food choices I have managed to put on three kilos.
And no, it’s not fucking muscle.
I needed to shift some weight, not add more.
My clothes are all too tight and I just want to cry all day.
I’ve had some blood tests and while my thyroid meds needed a bit of adjusting and I discovered that I’m basically anaemic, there’s nothing to explain why my body seems to be hoarding fat like the end of the world is coming. An insulin resistance test came back normal.
Last week it all built up to the point where I just stopped eating. I had three meals over four days, and my head was in such a bad place. I had no hunger either, because my head couldn’t cope with the thought of more food. And while I had managed to budge a half kilo by the start of this week that’s not the road I want to go down. I love food and I love to eat and this is just sucking all the joy out of food, and joy out of my life too.
My doctor said I didn’t have to start eating red meat again, which I am relieved about. I spent endless hours reading about which food patterns and choices will help me lose weight, hell, I even checked in with my endocrinologist to see if diet could be a factor with my Hashimoto’s.
He said no.
Low carb? Vegetarian? Keto? Paleo? Mediterranean? Vegan but low carb? Gluten free? Dairy free? Veggie keto?
SO. FUCKING. CONFUSED.
I’m loving the exercise and don’t plan on stopping. But I just don’t know what the hell to eat anymore.
Yes, I know I’m probably obsessing over all of this way too much.
But when I think how I’ve always been able to lose weight just through my food choices alone, this just makes no sense. Even if I was getting fitter and maintaining my weight I’d be ok, but to be gaining? To have added an inch to my waist in two days when I ate almost nothing?
I think at this stage I’ve completely fucked my metabolism and a visit to a dietician is in order. I need someone who understands all of this way better than I do who can tell me exactly what to do.
I probably also need to see a head person to help me understand how I can get so depressed over all of this.
Fat and anaemic isn’t a good combination. All I do is walk, jog, weigh myself, and cry.
I probably need to throw out those fucking scales too.
On the plus side, at least I look okay in my workout gear. Yay for compression.