The February fashion files: what you wear when you feel fat all month.

I guess there’s no way around the fact that I’m still feeling shit. I’m stuck in this groundhog day-like loop of weighing myself, feeling like shit, eating crap, feeling like shit, crying, feeling like shit.

I know everything I need to do, but I have just fallen so far away from a positive state of mind because after a killer January of working out and eating PERFECTLY I gained weight, and that extra weight is fucking with my head in ways I don’t think it ever has. The few kilos I gained over Christmas I’ll take responsibility for, but the three gained in January can go fuck themselves.

So, you know, I eat more chips and chocolates.

As you do.

Then I brilliantly went and Googled peri menopause, and instead of feeling something like, I don’t know, relief? that lots of the symptoms rang a bell it just made me feel more shit.

I’ve been avoiding getting dressed up because all my stuff is still that bit too tight at the waist and the belly bloat is out of control, but I refuse to live in workout clothes because that feels like cheating and now that I blogged about it everyone would know why I’m wearing it.

The only fitted thing I wore at all was this super cute dress I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t even be arsed with Spanx, go me…

There was more animal print than you could shake a stick at {what does that even mean anyway???}, and lots of loose flowing tops over pencil skirts. Plus I got some of my boho hippie chick vibe going with the blue number and tan sandals. In fact for someone who was hating clothes I managed to buy more pieces than you would expect, even if it was mostly shoes.

The shining moment of genuine positivity and joy came when I decided I needed new jeans and took myself off to the Levi’s store {because there is only ONE brand for me when it comes to paying a lot for jeans}, and had to go down to a size ten. Unless they’ve given in to vanity sizing and are fucking with me too.

Yeah, that’s where my head’s at these days.

{And on a side note, I tried on a pair of classic 501’s, and they looked so weird. Once my go-to style {showing my age perhaps?} they were so wide legged and gaping at the waist I hated them. Went with 312’s instead: slimming shaping slim leg high waisted 😉 }

This last week it finally stopped being super hot and it’s been all about the classics: denim, stripes, and converse.

I’m still trying to move my arse most days, even just with a walk around the block {4 km’s in 40 mins thank you very much}, and I am once again contemplating joining the fucking gym.  Not to waste my time on the treadmill like last time I joined but to make use of the personal trainers and group fitness classes. I figure that with the average class costing around $20 pretty much everywhere a weekly gym fee of $14.95 makes way more sense. One thing I haven’t lost is the need to actually get fit this year and not just lose weight. And even though I hate the feeling of the gym being somewhat akin to punishment for liking to eat I just don’t know what else to do. And I can’t keep spending money on every fucking “eat like this and lose weight/be happy/healthy/blah blah blah” book out there, which just leave me confused af.

*insert confused cat gif here*

SO.

Too much whiney venting here I know, but hopefully by the next post I’ll have something less whiney to say. For now I’m going to go and print out that 14 day gym trial membership that FlyBuys very kindly emailed me, and maybe I’ll be too busy working up a sweat in some evil BodyAttackPump/Step/Die class to complain so much.

Til next time,

A.

{I do realise that I don’t look as fat as I’m feeling or making out, but I’m also the only one who really knows how my clothes are feeling. In a word: tight. Also, any photos, like the ones above, that are made public will always be the most flattering with no jelly arms to be seen. On average it takes about twenty photos to get one I’ll use, and yes I know I need to find something actually useful to do with my time. I’m working on that too 🙂 }

  1. ARGH! I feel you big time!! Get into some of those HIIT classes – they’re the best; short, sharp and very sweaty 🙂 xo

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