Old enough not to give a fuck.

First off: I do not think I’m old.

What I am, apart from being forty-two years old, is tired.

Tired of all the shit.

I started reading an amazing book on the plane trip home last week, called The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson. {Click on title for Goodreads link.}

It basically offers you the mind blowing option of refusing to give power to all the small and not-so-small shit that drains you and brings nothing positive to your life. It’s about finding what truly matters, what you do give a fuck about, and how to make those things count. Before I had even made it past the introduction I knew it was onto something.

Yes, yes, and yes.

It also resonated because I’m tired of the constant expectations, judgements, and discussions on body image and distorted beauty ideals. I am SO FUCKING TIRED of wasting so many years of my life worrying about not being thin enough, pretty enough, or just not enough as I am. In a world where it’s considered brave to post bare faced pics of yourself I don’t know what bothers me more: the idea that showing your natural face takes courage and is only ever squeezed in amongst all the fully-made-up shots, or that we can’t just be free to either wear makeup or not and not have it be an issue or a hashtag or a whole fucking movement.

hashtag-no-makeup-448x450

I’m tired that we feel the need to respond at all to the idea of body shaming. Why can’t we choose to ignore it and stop feeding that particular beast? I can’t help thinking that by simply not giving a fuck we would take the power away from anybody who wanted to cast negative judgements. By refusing to acknowledge that such a thing as the perfect body even exists wouldn’t we then be free to have the confidence within ourselves that should be a given? Why does Hilary Duff even need to post this photo explaining, what, exactly? I see no flaws or anything to be shamed for, I see only a young woman enjoying the beach with her son. Why is body shaming and the fervent response to it still a thing???

I am posting this on behalf of young girls, women, and mothers of all ages. I’m enjoying a vacation with my son after a long season of shooting and being away from him for weeks at a time over those months. Since websites and magazines love to share ‘celeb flaws’ – well I have them! My body has given me the greatest gift of my life: Luca, 5 years ago. I’m turning 30 in September and my body is healthy and gets me where I need to go. Ladies, lets be proud of what we’ve got and stop wasting precious time in the day wishing we were different, better, and unflawed. You guys (you know who you are!) already know how to ruin a good time, and now you are body shamers as well. #kissmyass 😛

And in saying all of that I’m mostly tired of always thinking about my weight. Like: FUCKING EXHAUSTED. The daily internal monologue has got to stop. This is my own issue and I do not blame it on society, media, genetics, or anyone else. Back when I initially lost a lot of weight to get into a healthier weight range I felt mostly empowered and proud at having conquered something I thought was always going to be a losing battle. Sometimes, however, I feel like a prisoner to numbers. Scales, sizes, calories, fat grams, drinks, portions; it’s like I’m in some obsessive Groundhog Day loop I can’t break out of. I try so hard to #embrace every single day, and I’ve decided that I’m just not going to give a fuck anymore. Like I said before, no more feeding the beast. Time to starve that motherfucker instead.

If wisdom comes with maturity then surely as we get older we earn the right to just say, you know what? Fuck that, I’m not doing that anymore. I refuse to share a bikini photo or a makeup free selfie in order to prove to anyone that I accept myself as I am, and if by refusing to accept that wrinkles, stretch marks, and cellulite make our bodies flawed then aren’t we giving a big fuck you to anyone who would otherwise make us feel like shit?

In choosing to not give a fuck we can actually focus on what matters, namely, the people we genuinely like and want to spend time with. Because that’s the other thing I refuse to give a fuck about anymore: the negative head-fuckery that is my parents. Somehow I let them take up way too much space in my head, so that even without any contact in a year they still had the ability to make me angry and drain away so much of my positivity and happiness. I did that to myself by refusing to simply accept that they’re dicks and that me and my family are better off without them. In finally admitting to myself that I just don’t give a fuck anymore I have given myself the freedom to let it go. And it feels really liberating.

I cannot recommend the book highly enough and I haven’t even finished reading it yet, which should tell you a lot. It just stands out in such a huge way from the sea of crap that we take in silently every day and which we allow to affect us without even realising. Personally my need for a different kind of message to cut through the constant social media transmissions was well overdue, but I also choose to keep looking at it every day, something I’m all too aware of.

Now if someone could come up with a book to help me break the social media habit that has become actual muscle memory when my phone is in my hands would I buy it?

😉

*The words in red are highlighted to show the kind of language most women use when thinking about themselves and their bodies. Surely enough is enough?

 

  1. Well said 👏👏👏👏

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. MELANIE BOTZOLIS August 13, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    Ordering the book now!!! x

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. YASS! You won’t regret it hun. xxx

      Like

      Reply

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